Turned 21 and I celebrate with.....

WATER! Woohoo! Don't get me wrong, I love my BabyNinja so much already, but it was kind of a bummer to have to drink water. I'm not big on alcohol, that's not a big deal to me at all, but I so badly wanted a Strawberry Bull (contains Red Bull & Strawberry,non-alcoholic) from Outback last night! And I can't even have that!
Every second I am awake I fear that whatever i eat is going to make my BabyNinja become overweight at birth. Sometimes I don't want to eat because I don't want to have to count out the carbs or remind myself that I can't eat what I'm craving! I do end up eating because, well, I like food..even the diabetic kind. Lately though, I feel as though I'm eating the same things over and over; eggs in the morning, pizza made on wheat tortilla, grilled chicken or grilled pork chops and a veggie. I never feel satisfied when I'm done eating, probably because I'm a snacker rather than a 3 square meal eater.
I don't want to have complications with BabyNinja or his birth.I don't want a C-section, pre-term delivery or him to gain too much weight. I don't want him to be premature either, but boy am I sick of dealing with this diabetes, and I miss BabyNinja. I've only seen BabyNinja in ultrasounds, but I already love him with all my heart and I just want to be a Mom already! "miss" may not be the right word because I haven't met him, but I feel like I know him.He already makes me laugh at his hiccups and shuttering. I feel protective of him, my Momma Bear instinct kicked in very early, I feel like I need to protect him from me having the diabetes. Knowing that my blood sugar can be high after fasting and can harm my BabyNinja just makes me ill. I'm almost mad at my body because the first half of my pregnancy was fine and then--BAM!! Gestational Diabetes that can't be controlled with just diet!
My body/the womb is suppose to be the safest place for him in his life and even thats not safe anymore! arrgghh!!!
I'm sorry,I'm just frustrated today, this diabetes is trying to get to me and I'm letting it. *deep breaths* -ok, I CAN beat this, I just got to keep my head on straight and my heart on God and all else will fall into place.